Ep. 1 – Crappy Pictures Of Crap With Captions

I originally wanted to make a video. I almost did. But my voice has reached it’s limit. So instead I took some pictures of crap in my room and try to caption it in a way that would interest you. Challenge accepted! Let’s do this.

A picture of some sick girl essentials. Sick Girl is of course the sequel to David Fincher’s Gone Girl. It follows the story of Amy who is now pregnant and is in her first trimester where everything Missouri makes her ill.

Strepsils is of course that “medicine” that you take too much of because you think it’s candy.

Efficascent oil is a PMSing girl’s best friend.

Breathe Right which is like a nasal sticker that’s supposed to unclog your congested nose I guess (?).

Vicks, which is every Filipino’s first aid remedy – You have a headache? Vicks! You have a stomach ache? Vicks! You have a cold? Vicks! You’re bleeding to death? Vicks!

And that Panadol thing is something I bought but never used.

Some more Sick Girl (in theaters near you) essentials.

God bless BB cream, because now, I can fake my way into pretending I understand how make-up works! Get rids of dark under eye circles from lack of sleep and red patches around the nose caused by cheap abrasive tissues.

Deodorant, because!

Dry shampoo is a miracle in a bottle. You can actually go for days without washing your hair and still look not gross! I know all about that life. And since you can’t wash your hair after being sick with the flu because, that’s what your mom tells you, this is a must.

I have asthma and sinus issues that is triggered by perfumes. So I don’t wear a lot of it because I want to live and be pain free. But in rare occasions I will stumble upon perfumes that agree with my condition like Chanel Chance, which also makes me feel like a proper lady and Lord knows I need all the help I can get.

I have pooor vision and started wearing glasses when I was in 6th grade. The solutions bottle is unopened because contact lenses are just too expensive for me. And I like wacky, cheap, plastic frames. It’s all I can afford.

I am a massive Harry Potter fan and by extension a massive J.K. Rowling fan. You can quiz me on all things Harry Potter and I am confident that I will dominate you.

Before Harry Potter, I read this book called Lord of the Rings when I was 12 and I didn’t really understand what it’s about but I knew I loved it because it has elves and happy hobbits and of course Gandalf. I read it again some years later and fell in love with it all over again and it’s still because of elves and hobbits and Gandalf but more because of Aragorn, who will always be my #1 Prince Charming.

I write a lot. I started keeping a journal when I was in 4th grade because I just moved to a new country and to a new school and everything felt weird at that time and writing kept me sane. Before I moved out of my parents house when I was 17, I re-read all my previous journals and honestly thought that, “this is what depressed looks like”. So I got rid of all of it and still journaled but this time I use the internet aka blogging. One of those notebooks is actually where I write this story that I hope someday, turns to a screenplay or a novel.

Hands down cutest kid ever. Don’t fight it. Just believe.

I have a tennis racket in my room. I don’t play tennis. No person in this house has played tennis. But it ties the room together. Which can also mean I’m a pretentious asshole.

Tina Fey is my queen! One of my few regrets in life is not watching SNL during her time on it. When I first saw Mean Girls and found out that the brain responsible for it is owned by this woman, I was instantly inspired to write comedy and devote all of my time learning more about Tina Fey. My dream/fantasy is to work for her. I don’t care what the job it is, I just want her to be my boss.

And lastly…

This freaking masterpiece!

Yes, that is a drawing of me doing a duck face. You may be wondering, why would a woman of a sane mind (questionable statement) and body need a portrait of her doing a duck face. And I have the following reasons for your consideration.

– This can be the picture that network news will use in the event that I’d get lost or kidnapped.

– This can be the picture that network news will use in the event that I run for congress.

– This can be the picture that network news will use in the event I miraculously survive a plane crash.

– For my funeral, of course.

– Book cover for my best selling memoir.

Did you learn more about me? What things do you think you have in common? Tell me in the comments!