Haircuts And The Way They Make Me Feel

Believe it or not, a blog post was supposed to be published last Friday but my internet crashed and so here I am making an attempt at another one.

I have no real excuse as to why I haven’t been writing here, but a lot of it has to do with unreliable internet. And also because of having little to no inspiration or little to no motivation or both.

But here’s something that I want to talk about. Haircuts. Yeah, haircuts.

I had a haircut done yesterday. No big deal, just a little bit of the bottom where all the splitends lie and I realized how little amount of my hair I’m willing to part with. I used to be adventurous with my hair, either dyeing it a different color every 3-4 months or cutting my own bangs or that one drunken night I purposefully cut ONLY one side of my head (which is a different story for later), but now, I’m just a big pussy about it.

So what am I getting at with this haircut rant? I’ll get to my point, I promise.

Hair is something that grows either I deal with it or not – unless you’re permanently bald then I’m sorry – but I can’t seem to commit with a simple haircut says a lot about myself and who I’m becoming as an adult person.

I’m less adventurous. Less willing to do anything that will somehow change my life. And it’s scaring me the more that I type this confession.

Is this the reason why I’m still unemployed? Why I write so little and blame the lack of inspiration as an excuse?? Why I fail at so many things this past few years? Why I’ve been avoiding my parents calls? Just a bunch of repressed feelings that are trying to crawl back up just because of a stupid haircut.

Sure, I got rid of my splitends but my hair still feels dry and for the life of me, is still unbrushed. Will my hair be forever in a tight bun to mask my ineptitude to make it look like prettier hair? I don’t think I want to be THAT person.

So maybe that haircut served a real (and better) purpose. It was a wakeup call. To do something REAL with my life. No ifs and or butts.

And I think realizing and talking about my issues – and putting it in a blog post is a real sign that I am trying.



I’m Awkward As Fffffck

When I say I’m awkward I’m not trying to be cute. I really am. I have spent years masking my awkwardness with fake self confidence resulting to gassy farts* and I survive most of the time, unscathed. But sometimes, my self confidence is non existent. Just when I need it the most.

Earlier today, the parentals and I went to the mall as we are known to do – I would link other posts where I talk about me and my parents going to the mall but who has time for that. Also this is being typed in my phone.

I don’t know about you but I feel anxious when I go to a place where I am expected to spend money and not have a “plan”. I’m very very frugal. Some call it borderline cheap. I blame my lower middle class OFW parents’ upbringing of this. When I go to a mall I only allow myself to purchase the thing/s I really need. In this case: a liquid eyeliner, brown lipstick and Amy Poehler’s book Yes Please.


Book shopping is my favorite type of shopping (grocery shopping comes a close second). Why?! Because I always know I’m not going to leave the store empty handed.

I take a long time to shop. A really long time. Me going to a bookstore means half the day gone but I always end up buying something. Only reason why I take so long is because I’m trying to decide which Jamie Oliver book I should buy first. Same goes for grocery shopping. I always leave with a bag of half of my income. I just take so long because I’m comparing prices and milligrams. Seriously,  I have my calculator out when I do groceries. But it doesn’t matter because at the end of it I have shelled a portion of my hard earned money to pay for the amount of avocados I squeezed to decide on the ripest one.

One of my weird paranoia is sales people thinking I’m trying to steal something. I’ve lifted stuff as a kid mostly because I was checking if I could get away with it. Calm down! Their only gel pens and glow in the dark markers. I’ve lost all of them to stealing classmates so…karma. As an adult you become skeptical and think that everyone is out to get you which is weird because you’d think as an adult, people will have to take you seriously. But we don’t. We’re all secretly and silently judging other people. Oh! Just me?! Is everyone washing their hands clean off this?! You too Alanis??!!

Where was I?? Oh right! Mall. Book. Buying. So I purchased the book and went to Boots for the eyeliner and lipstick.

I’ve mentioned this before but imma say it again. I’m not good in make up. Even the idea of buying make up terrifies me. But I still do because I know when I get home empty handed and I watch another beauty guru video I’m going to regret not buying that eyeshadow that’s supposed to make my eyes “pop”.

The bad (and good) thing about make up is you have toooo many choices. From brands to formulas to skin type to shades, these are all foreign to me. So I always end up choosing the cheapest one. All the damn time.

A kind sales lady pitched me this eyeliner that has this “hard tip” (that’s what she said) also telling me that it’s better for beginners. The price was unreasonable, especially for “beginners”. So I awkwardly picked up a cheaper one with a soft tip instead which made me think that the sales lady is thinking I don’t appreciate her input. I silently scream, but I do!!! I just don’t have that much disposable income!!

The same sales person helped me pick a brown lipstick. I’ve never worked in retail but I always had this notion (albeit ignorant) that their trained to sell you the most expensive item in store.

I told her that I just want a “matte brown” lipstick. You know, make up jargons. She proceeded to “swatch” several shades of lipstick while rambling about gloss and vitamin e. The end result was me saying yes to a lipstick I really don’t like because I didn’t want to be rude the second time.

When I got home I immediately tried on the lipstick feeling worse than coming home empty handed and half cryingly told my reflection “we’ll make it work”.

The moral of this story is, stick to what you know which in my case books and food and/or have someone, ideally a friend to whom you can easily say no to, accompany you when you go make up shopping.

So tell me, am I the only one who lives like this? Or is this post too long for your short attention span??

*is referring to my farts as gassy redundant?

Happening At Present – What Do I/You Want Me To Talk About?

Thank you for the followers who have been following. I always find it gratifying when someone, anyone, sees something that I wrote or posted and thought to themselves, “Yeah she seems normal enough”. So thank you, thank you.

On that note, I seem to be bursting of ideas for this blog. I have been blogging since I was 13 I feel like and I have since abandoned a lot of blogs over the years. Blogging can be tiring sometimes and when it’s so easy to get rid of by just clicking on the delete account button, you get to walk away scathe free. 

But I do want a certain regularity in my life. Jeez, I didn’t mean this to be a sappy post but I guess that’s where were heading…? Nah! I’m going to swerve.

So anyway, as I’ve said that I am cooking up stuff to hopefully make this blog a lot more interesting to me and to you too. I want to write posts about personal experiences, view points, entertainment, my life here in The Middle East, my culture, my country, my tastes, humor, dreams and aspirations, why I don’t want kids, how much I like kids, relationships, just so many ideas. 

If you happen to read this post, let me know what you think I should talk about. Thanks!


P.S. Here is a gif of stampeding corgis to (hopefully) lure you into (hopefully) reading this post