Digging

I’ve been reflecting a lot about why I blog. I think it’s because I know way more people who don’t than do.

When I first discovered blogging (xanga.com) I was so overjoyed because I’ve already outgrown writing with a gel pen in a diary at that time but I still wanted to talk about my life. Call me weird but I associate the clacking of keyboard with sophistication. Something about the sound makes me feel like I’m doing something very important and not just Googling recipes I can make with cheese.

When I entered College, I wanted to take my writing more seriously. So I stopped blogging about my life because I did not think that my life at that time was interesting enough for other people to read. Ironically enough, the best stories of my life all happened while I was in College. Something about not being able to read about my College drunken nights pains me, because as much as the memory of the pain I endured after another hang over is still burned in my brain (why I no longer imbibe on cheap brandy) not having a shred of proof of my College adventures feels like it never happened.

In reflection, reading myself type “the best stories of my life all happened while I was in College” is kind of sad and also untrue. But I guess I typed that because I feel like that the College was this separate person and right now that’s who I want to be.

Here’s me in College (or at least for the first 2 years)

  • Was very much into emo music but I guess everyone else at that time was into emo music(?)
  • Was trying to be someone’s girlfriend. Desperately trying. I was really bad at it. Most girls had High School to learn the ropes of being someone’s girlfriend but I was so Catholic in High School that I never had the chance.
  • Was not at all active in social media.
  • All clothing I owned were thrift store finds.
  • Smoking. A lot.
  • Drinking. A lot
  • Was someone who would watch a movie in the cinema alone — I can still go to the cinema alone style but why would I when I can just Internet that shit.
  • Was a closeted Avril Lavigne fan.
  • Was very much into politics and world history.
  • Had no idea how sex works. Did I mention I was a very (horny) Catholic in High School?
  • Would cut classes to ride a bus not really having a plan on where to go and would get down at a place I’ve never been to before — I can’t pull this shit anymore
  • I did not carry a cellphone or a wallet all the time — I can’t pull this anymore
  • Was in a band
  • I attended concerts with (2) total strangers (one of them I ended up sorta dating, yey!)
  • Would give out a fake name when in a strange place

I think that’s about the information I’m willing to reveal about myself in College. Also, I’m sleepy. See you tomorrow? Hopefully?

Reviving an Old Love

I am re- reading old blog posts and old comments (mostly because I need an ego boost) and came across this old blog I started over a year ago. Now, before you make any attempts clicking on that link let me tell you something about this blog of mine.

It’s about 50 Shades of Grey. Well, not really. It’s about ME reading 50 Shades of Grey and trying to understand the science (or lack of) behind it. It is mostly inspired by this blog made by my all time favorite Zac Little (seriously Google him!). Inspiration may be just another word for jealousy because I too wanted to blog about a book series because 1.) I don’t have to constantly think about what to blog , 2.) the project will help me with my writing 3.) it pushes me to really read something other than Bossypants and 4.) it just looks like a lot of fun.

I chose 50 Shades of Grey because at that time the trailer for the 50 Shades of Grey movie just came out (I have yet to watch that movie. Or shouldn’t I?) and I also had a talk with a friend about how she never really made any attempts at reading the Twilight series. So I thought about reading 50 Shades of Grey and then blog about it so she didn’t have to.

If you ask, yes, I’ve already read the series prior to making the blog. And yes, I own all the books. And yes, paperback issues. I am not proud of it. In my defense, at that time, I did not own a smartphone and had very little to no idea that ebooks exist. And I wanted to read them because I was curious and I wanted to know if it’s as scandalous as people make it to be. Turns out, it’s not.

I’m blogging about this because I kind of want to revive the project or maybe choose another book series (or just a book) to blog about. Also, one of the other reasons I have about choosing 50 Shades of Grey was because I can make fun of it. I just don’t think I can make a habit out of blogging about a book and not have a chance at dick jokes. But a part of me wants to get back at 50 Shades of Grey. I’ve been re-reading some of my old posts from there and a lot of them I still find funny.

So if any of you are bored and are looking for a blog to read maybe you can check it out and help me make a decision.

Unemployed

I am currently (and still) unemployed. If my memory serves me right (it barely does), this is the longest I’ve been without a job. I try (at least for the first 2 months) to justify this lack of employment because I feel that I deserve a huge break because I slaved in a job I absolutely hated with no vacation, sick leaves or pretend-to-be-sick leaves for 2 years straight, and for my track record, that is, incredible.

I don’t mean to sound like I’m the world’s worst employee, ever. I’m probably world’s working for the money because the economy is not doing too great for me to actually try at a career I actually want employee. The whole idea of moving back here was for me to gamble my way into show business. Not as an actress, but anything to being a writer or someone who works with the writer was something I was going for. Turns out, those type of jobs are not available on jobstreet.com.

At this point, I’d be willing to work on my screenplay on the side if it means getting the salary I want plus medical insurance. It seems like the longer I wait(ed) for something to happen for me, the more it compromised the dream I made for myself before buying a ticket back.

It sounds depressing when I type it on a blog but being an adult means being realistic about a lot of things. So many things transpired since I came back and most of the things that did happen are things I didn’t realize would happen/something I was trying to avoid to happen but nevertheless I was kind of happy that it did happen. A lot of people in my life feel that it was a bad choice, or that it will crash and burn like it did before, I mean they didn’t have to say it, I can feel it in their non presence, but I am bravely standing by my decision.

I forget the point i was trying to make coming in to this blog post. I guess to sum things up, I feel currently bad about me being unemployed, I am looking for a job, and I feel farther from my friends when ironically, we now live in the same country again. There is a certain level of misery running in my veins, maybe it’s because I’m on my period or maybe because it’s exactly what I need to feel right now to get things moving in my life again.

Will fill you in with the progress or lack thereof in my life.

Team Edward

I don’t know if I’ve expressed this before but I really like the Twilight books. I know, I know, Twilight is basically the Justin Bieber of Young Adult fiction. And this is not about rooting for the underdogs, because let’s face it Twilight is no underdog. I first read Twilight when I was less cynical. I don’t remember hating the dialogue or found a teenage girl falling in love with a handsome vampire ridiculous. Then the movies happened. But that’s another blog post.

For some reason I really want to reread the Twilight books. Many of my friends have not even touched a Twilight book and it;s kind of amazing how they never got into the hype, but then I only signed up on Facebook in 2010. Remember 2010?

There are plenty of things in popular media I never got into. Some I genuinely could care less about (Jonas Brothers, American Idol, Pinterest) and some I have no qualms getting into (Game of Thrones, Ariana Grande, Iphone) and it’s made me realize that I have certain level of open mindedness that’s made me proud as an adult.

This blog post is starting to make less sense. But yeah, I want to reread the Twilight books. Thought you should know.

Things I Find Sexy

I’m the type of person who is not easily impressed with washboard abs or a pair of really huge boobs. But I also think that Hannibal Buress is hella sexy. If you think something is wrong with me, then lock me up.

While we’re on the subject, my boyfriend had a haircut today. Not a huge deal for you readers, but if you must know, when we first started dating he was sporting a buzzcut and he’s kept the same style for years. Then I left for a while (so much backstory there) and he decided to grow his hair. My consensus is that my boyfriend’s hair looks really sexy. And his new haircut is even sexier.

And since I’m making a post about sexiness, here are more things/people that I find really sexy

  • Paul Rudd (especially in this video)
  • Football (the sport and not the players. Having said that: see below)
  • David Beckham
  • Posh Spice
  • Married people who wear their wedding rings
  • Yoga Pants
  • Indie Music
  • Just Showered Hair
  • Hygiene
  • Men’s Deodorant (like OMG!)
  • Good Morning Kisses
  • Beards
  • Grown Men that play with their Dogs
  • Dads that play with their kids (like OMG!!!)
  • Collar Bones
  • Tattoos
  • Lip Rings
  • Comedy (like OMFG!!!)
  • Broad City
  • Tina F*cking Fey (goes without saying)
  • People who read books
  • Black Bikinis
  • Black Underwear
  • Cleavage (especially when it’s not obvious)
  • Blogging
  • Puns (I’m not even sorry)
  • Really really good dancing
  • Card Tricks

It seems like I could go on and on about the subject of sexiness but I’ll keep my list short and maybe let some of you tell me what you find sexy. Tweet me @dorasmonologues. Or just blatantly ignore me like the rest of the world. I’m talking to you mom!

Stay sexy WordPress!

Random Post And Also Happy One Year Anniversary

Something I forgot to mention in the previous post I made is that today marks my one year here on WordPress. I can’t believe that this little blog of mine that stems from sheer boredom has survived a year on the internet. But then again, anything can survive here on the internet if you let it. So there’s that.

Also, totally random but something I want to get off my chest is that I am uncomfortable watching awkward dance routines. Mostly, I’m talking about Ed Sheeran’s music video of “Thinking Out Loud”. God how I hate that song. Not that it’s not a good song. It is. I even, embarrassingly enough, contemplated to use that song for my wedding dance *cringe*. And then it blew up. Like completely out of proportion and then everyone decided to use it in their wedding and I hated it because I’m cynical and I suck as a person sometimes.

To make matters worse, Ed Sheeran decided to dance in his music video. And not just any dancing. He decided to do some sort of lyrical dance a la So You Think You Can Dance shit that just makes me want to gag. People should not dance in their music video if they don’t know how to dance. Like, that’s the whole point of hiring professional dancers right?! Did I already tell you I suck as a person sometimes?

God, I really hate that video! And no, I won’t link it out of principle. Google the damn thing. How I wish I can Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind that music video. Old reference. Google that too.

Back To The Drawing Board

I am well aware that I haven’t posted a thing in this blog for forever but rather than bombarding you with excuses that I’d rather tweet on Twitter (@dorasmonolgues) I’d just tell you about being inspired and hopefully to inspire another soul who may be in the rut right now.

I’ve always wanted to write a book. It has been a dream of mine since I was aware of what a book is and how it is made. So this dream has been long since overdue, like this post, and I’m going to be real honest with you because we’re friends and this is the internet, I have not made one conscious effort in making this dream a reality.

Some would argue that this blog a step towards that. But let’s be real. A book is only made when there is real commitment and I have none of that so far. It sucks, knowing what you want to do but feel like you have no real power to do it. Of course I can write a book. Any dum dum who puts their mind to it can write a book. But hardly anyone gets published. I get so down when I have this supposedly great idea and then found out later, some teen came up with almost the same idea and it’s already on it’s way to be the next Jennifer Lawrence movie.

There will be days where I would just type away some great story I cooked up in my head and while my fingers are busy typing and my heart is beating so hard and my brain is already thinking of all the people I’d care to thank in my acknowledgements the sucky side of me takes over and then I’d get insecure of my grammar and I proceed to spell check everything and then I’d remember there is this cat video I need to check on YouTube and then I’m back to not pursuing my dream.

I find little to no inspiration most days but there will be days where all I want to do is write and not care about how many ‘s’ is there in ‘disappointed’ and today is an inspirational day.

I’ve always been a reader, I guess you have to be to want to become a writer, right? But I haven’t really pick up a book and really commit to it until today. I decided to reread this book by this really famous content creator in YouTube and instantly felt inspired to write my experiences and how I want other people to read them and learn from my mistakes so they’d be less of an idiot (hopefully).

So what I’m going on about is this, it is never too late or too early to pursue your dreams but also don’t beat yourself up for not following some 10 year plan because life sucks and it is great at the same time and sometimes it’s just better to play with your two cute dogs than sit down and break your neck over some character that is likely going to die in chapter 2.

God, I missed ranting on here. Hopefully there is another one tomorrow?