Thoughts: In A List Form

I don’t have anything specific to say but I feel like I should type 1,000 words in this post. We’ll see if I get to that number. It’s like having so much love in your heart but you’re awkward and forgot how feelings work. So this post will be like that. A mixture of everything and anything and possibly nothing. Let’s make it fun and make a list, BuzzFeed style.

1. I don’t know why I feel so emotional today. Another person has been sacked. We are not especially close but we have this big brother/little sister thing going on in a completely non-sexual way. It makes me think, it’s really not enough to be a good person anymore. I mean you still have to be a good person because that’s what makes you socially acceptable and be nominated for a humanitarian award, but you also have to be cut throat and a good liar and bunch of other things to survive this world. I feel so sad for him leaving that I don’t even want to say goodbye. I don’t want to leave my seat because I might miss seeing him making the final walk out from this hallway but I also don’t want to see him go. It’s so stupid that I feel this way and also it makes sense because this feeling that I’m feeling now, this is what makes me a good person. Maybe, who knows.

2. I’m not happy about my job. Not the least bit. I know I should make a change but hello! easier said than done! I think my job is contributing to me being a disgusting person. The kind of person who makes a U turn in a no U turn lane because I missed my exit. I don’t know traffic rules. I don’t drive. But you get it.

3. One thing I am happy about is not being in High School anymore. No offense to High School, but you suck.

4. Once in a while, I would have the urge to sit down and type up a long angry letter addressed to my ex. The letter never gets finished because as soon as I have 1 to 2 sentences down I immediately laugh at the concept of an angry letter addressed to my ex (because the guy won’t read to save his life), crumple the paper/delete the email and then think to myself, “this will never be worth it”.

5. I’m serious about creating a YouTube channel, now I think I have a concrete idea of what I want. It will be like a regular vlog type of channel. It won’t be a vlog about what I do this day or where I’m headed, it will be a stream of consciousness type of thing but still different from the ones you now watch on YouTube. Literally like a blog in a video format. I think that’s going to be the channel’s tagline.

6. I’ve been fantasizing about being in a relationship. Not with any specific person (other than Steven Yeun, Ezra Koenig and now thanks to, I’ve been day dreaming about feeding grapes to Richard Madden – ew! sorry for the mental image). My fear out of this (I always have a fear) is that I think I’ve been single for so long that I don’t know if I’m going to do well in a relationship again. Not to build my own mantle and put me on top of it, but I’m a kick ass girlfriend. I like being in a relationship. You know how some people suck at taking care of themselves like feeding their own person with a nourishing breakfast or buying your own set of eyes that prescription glasses they really really need but without fail will buy a significant other their favorite brand of toothpaste and razor and will wake up 4 hours early just to make the significant other a packed lunch? That’s me. I like taking care of people but maybe not as much anymore.

7. I have yet to see a healthy discussion about feminism exists between men and women. If you’ve found the holy grail please point me to that direction.

8. 1989 is back in my music player. God help me.

9. Speaking of God, it’s Lenten season. I wonder what “sacrifices” my fellow raised Catholics have going for them. I myself have sacrificed the following: Googling “Josh Hartnett shirtless”, “Harry Styles chest”, “Louis CK photoshoot”, “Tina Fey”. Sike! I’m Agnostic.

10. Writing this blog post made me feel better. I hope reading it did the same for you.

P.S. What should I name my YouTube channel? Let me know in the comments. Also, Tina Fey.


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