Not that I’m trying to whip up an autobiography of some sort of anything. Just an online diary. In my continuous desire to try and improve myself, I thought, keeping an online diary would motivate me to try new things and I could reflect in my fast paced mundane life. Maybe I was wrong.
Writing about my own life is hard. It really is. What I feel separates the blog from a diary is that a diary is a lot more personal because basically the idea is you are talking to a inanimate object that is supposed to embody a part of you, which is the only person who completely understands you without passing too much judgement. Blogging, well, throw in some sarcastic remarks and voila! you have a blog post.
I guess what I find hard about this whole online diary thing is the pressure. The pressure to write everyday. To try new things because how sad it would be if you have to keep typing about the same thing, night after night. It’s not like when you blog where you have the opportunity to deviate from your normally scheduled program and poke fun of Justin Bieber or something. What I find really hard about this online diary thing is that, I can’t seem to lie as much to myself than I actually thought I could.
Take last night’s post for example, I said that I was making an entry in an unconventionally early hour because part of my resolution is to try and sleep early. But I was still up at 1:33 am scrolling through BuzzFeed articles (I just downloaded the BuzzFeed app). And not acknowledging that in the next entry woule be a.) lying to myself and my imaginary audience and b.) smashing the whole point of the online diary even before it actually began. Well true I’ve made two entries, but the ship has not even been built!
It’s not so much as the pressure of keeping the diary, it’s the pressure of trying to improve myself that’s the problem. My mind refuses to believe that there is a need for improvement – “Why exercise and run 3 miles?! It’s not like we’re trying for the Olympics or anything” but there is, and I need to convince myself that.
Do you keep an online diary? Do you consider your blog to be your diary? How much of yourself do you allow to be revealed in your blog? How much do you love nachos?
As always, stay kind humans.