This Is My Anxiety Talking

I am scheduled to attend a seminar at a very fancaaay (I assume, I’ll check back with you later) hotel. It’s scheduled to go on for 90 (probably boring) minutes talking about another system I have to worry about crashing.

If you’re wondering, no, I don’t get to go to a lot of seminars like this. I work at a small private hospital that does not really require a lot of upgrades. So when I tell you that I am nervous to attend such thing I am really nervous. It’s not that I’m a virgin at this. In my previous jobs, I had to speak to VIP clients, have dinner with them in fact. It involves a lot of lipstick and retouching my lipstick. And heels! Oh god the heels. Heels to me are shoes you only break out for VIP clients. I come to find later in life, there are choices to heels. Black stiletto pumps are not the only thing considered business formal. Wedges are more my thing now.

Have you ever wanted to try a new restaurant but find yourself alone in that moment? I like eating alone so this poses no problem to me. Well, up until I’m inside the restaurant anyway.

I am almost always dealing with anxiety. New restaurants especially. I get anxious whether I have enough money on me. I would constantly check, even while I was eating, if my wallet is still there. If I have enough cash.

I would get anxious over what to eat. The choices daunt me.

I get anxious on how to place my order. If it’s over the counter, I get anxious as to whether I’m placing my order fast enough. Am I irritating the rest of the people in the line.

That is about the same anxiety I feel when I attend seminars. It’s not that I cower back and not ask questions when I need to. I just get anxious over what I’m wearing. Is my hair worn right. Does my breath smell bad. Do I look like the wait staff. Anxious ridden.

So let’s see how the 90 minutes goes. Hopefully I won’t embarrass myself too much.

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