I’ve been single now for 2 years. Just typing that makes me feel both sad and happy. Sad because I think, and it has been told more than on several occasions by different people, that I’m an excellent girlfriend. Yes, excellent. I try not to let it go to my head because the only opinion that really matters when it comes to these things is the boyfriend. And it kind of makes me sad that I could have been someone’s excellent girlfriend right now and it’s not happening.
Happy, because I am a serial monogamist. The two real relationships that I’ve ever had in my life is both long running and yeah, exhausting. It was like you went out for a walk and then it feels so good that you change to a trot and ended up running. The sweat is making you feel like you’re doing something really good for your self for a change “look at you body! you’re exercising!” but by the end of it, it leaves you exhausted and you feel the aches and pains the next day, wishing you have done stretching before the actual run. I’m getting off topic here.
To be in a 5 year relationship is no joke. Actually to be in a relationship is no joke. I only had one boyfriend in college and if I tell you things about him he will either sound a really cool nice guy or a jealous jerk. He was/is all of those things. Shortly after that, I ended I up in a 3 year relationship. Super serious. Like, it was the only time that I actually thought of getting married. But that also ended (badly) so now I’m single.
Being single for this long, I found, is about the same as being in a long running relationship. It’s just this time, I’m in a relationship with myself. The things I used to do as someone’s girlfriend, I now have to do for myself. Most days it’s fun. I take myself on a “date”. By myself a book. Take myself to see a movie. And some days it’s just, crap.
I don’t know how to date. And I don’t feel like I’m dateable in any way. I honestly think that it will take a guy at least a week to really like me. But it’s fine. At least right now it’s fine.
But it’s not to say that I am not looking forward to being with someone again. It does terrify me, because of so many reasons. But for now, I’m just fine being in a relationship with just myself.
Shed a tear for me will you. Or not.