(Oh!) Dear Dora – Can Guys And Girls Be Best Friends?

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Hey Dora,

Here’s the deal. My bestest friend in the whole wide world is a guy. He’s a really sweet guy and I’m kind of aggressive so we bode well together. We’ve known each other for 2 years now and there was never an issue of sexual tension or anything related to that. We both have our separate guy and girl friends outside of our relationship. But the truth, we’d much rather hang out with each other all the time.
I won’t go into detail of the circumstances of how we met and how we ended up being best friends, the important thing is that we are. But now that we have moved to a new job together, it’s slowly becoming an issue.
Everyone has been speculating that we are secretly boning each other or that one of us is gay. Some have even said that he may be secretly into me and even though I know what and what not to believe, I’m scared that his feelings about our friendship would change or he will be weirded out and silently move away.
Whenever we talk about it, he waves it off, making me feel like it may be the truth or my fears are slowly materializing.
Halp!

Girl with a Guy Friend

Hi Girl With a Guy Friend!

Not to make this about me – but let’s face it, everyone makes everything about them – I too have a guy best friend. And just as you describe, there is also no sexual tension between us. And I know this and can say this in full confidence because we have shared the same bed together (multiple times), he has changed in front of me and we have watched porn together with zero desire to touch ourselves. So over all, our friendship is pretty solid.

Unlike you, we have never been teased or subjected to the “Girls can’t be friends with guys!” trope. Everyone of our classmates (we met in college) knows that we are only best friends and that to become more than that is a violation of a made believe rule. But maybe if we were, let’s say, go to the same place of work where no one knows our history, then we may have the same dilemma.

But you phrased your relationship well – I won’t go into detail of the circumstances of how we met and how we ended up being best friends, the important thing is that we are. 

It’s easy to say, don’t care about what other people say, but in truth, we have to take what other people say into account because, unfortunately, we have to share the same space with other people. The choice of whether we will feel bad or nothing at all about what people say is the difference. But basing on what you said it seems like you’re more concerned about what your guy best friend has to say about all this unnecessary teasing.

You seem to be best buds, so why don’t you guys talk about it. Don’t make a ceremony of it. Pop the question while playing X BOX while you’re snacking on some pizza. The atmosphere should be casual because let’s face it, people feel uncomfortable when the setting feels like unfamiliar territory. I know it’s not easy having to confront your fears with the possibility of it being true, but your guy best friend may be undergoing the same turmoil and he’s itching to ask you about it, hoping and praying that you would make the first move.

The important thing is to maintain the friendship. Other people’s opinion about your relationship should not matter, at least not enough to ruin the good thing going between the two of you. All you need to do is to get past one hurdle and I’m sure everything will be back to normal.

Guys and Girls should remain best friends not to disprove the idea that they can’t be. Guys and Girls should be best friends because…well, they just are.

Hope this helped!

❤ Dora

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