(Oh!) Dear Dora – I’m Being Forced Into College

acceptedlife

so are the rest of us

Hey! You know what, I think you have a good heart. And maybe you can make me feel a little better?
My parents value education a lot. Like a lot a lot. And sometimes I think it’s border line unfair that they have this certain expectation of me. Even asking me to go to college (more like forcing really) even if after I have already told them multiple times that I don’t want to go.
I think my mom is broken hearted that her daughter is not interested in taking up higher education, even if she is willing to pay for all of it. I told her to keep her money and get a vacation or something. And I actually meant it to be a nice gesture.
I just think that by the end of it all, college is going to be a big waste of time that we’ll all regret later and it will be too late to say “I told you so” to my parents because by then they will be to hung up by how much money I’ve wasted.
So yeah, I don’t know what to do about this.
– Z

Hi Z!

It is a bummer when we’re being guilt tripped to do something that we have already made up our minds about. I remember the first time someone asked me to try tea for the first time, and I think I gave that person a menacing stare to shut him up because I’ve always disliked tea. But of course yours is a more serious matter than hot beverage.

I don’t know how your school life was/is like but it seems like it has played a big part in your decision in not going through with college. You also didn’t mention what you plan to do instead and I fully understand if you choose to keep that private.

Your parents are of course very upset. And it’s not only because they value education a lot. They are first of all worried for your future. My parents who have never gone to college felt like a degree would increase my chances in getting a high paying job and afford the things they can’t have for themselves. They thought, that if when armed with a degree, I have a more fighting chance to fulfill the things that I want to do. And maybe this is the same for your parents. Parents worry about our future as much as we worry about ours. But maybe you and your parents are not just seeing the same future. And it’s important for you to tell them your side of the story, whether or not you have already figured out what to do instead of college.

I understand that you’re worried that you’re going to end up wasting a lot of money. I went to college out of my own accord, excited and willing to learn and still felt that it was a waste of money. But it doesn’t mean that the experience was any less valuable. College taught me more than an equivalent of a degree. College taught me about people, about life, about being alone and learning how to make it alone. College, to me, was the highlight of my life. And again this is not the same for everybody. Everyone has their own college story. But what I want to impress upon you is that college is worth the try. If everyone has the financial capability to go to college, they should grab that chance. It’s not like you’re going to miss out on something if you decide not to go, it’s just that you will never know what it’s like until you try.

Other people will always have a hard time understanding ourselves. And I know it’s frustrating for you to have to explain a reason that sounds so simple and concise in your head. My final word is don’t be too scared to try. Don’t let other people’s opinion about college and life after college hinder you from doing what you ultimately want to do. And that includes your parents. If you do decide to go to college, don’t do it to shut them up, do it because you’re willing to try. How about take a break, give it a year to figure things out, or if you have already, start what it is that you would want to do. Just don’t forget to try. Now that I have tried tea, I love it. And I’ve never lived a day not drinking tea ever since.

Just remember that college is not a be all, end all type of thing. The beauty about life is that we never really stop learning. We just learn things in a different time.

Hope this helped!

❤ Dora

 

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4 comments

  1. As the biggest tea drinker you will ever meet, I am SO glad you converted Dora. And again, from a complete outsider’s perspective, you’ve dished out awesome advice. College is a waste of time if you allow it to be. I went to college because it was expected of me. I didn’t really know what I wanted to do, got a late start in working towards my major because of it, and ended up wasting a ton of time. That is not to say I regretted going to college, I definitely don’t at all. I just wish I had planned better so I made better use of my time and money. Then again, I only recently figured out what I wanted to do with my life a few months ago, so it’s easier said than done to go in with a clear head and a straight plan. And who knows? Maybe in a year or two, my professional goals will change again. But that is life, and your experiences, whether it’s college, work, or some other form of education, is what will help shape your path.

    With that said, I SERIOUSLY wish I had taken up a different major. Well, you know what they say about hindsight…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I just recently converted to tea. Now I can’t go on a day without it. But I only drink tea with milk, so I don’t know if you fully approve of me.
      I am with you 100% in the planning college thing. I had to go to college for the same reason, that is, it is expected of me. At that time I don’t have full plan of what I want to do. But everything’s trial and error in life right?
      I’m sure you’ll do great!
      Oh and by the way. Z showed this post to her mom and her mom agreed to giving her a year off. So that worked out eh?

      Like

  2. Hey, I drink tea with milk too so it’s all good! I typically drink jasmine though because it’s what I grew up on. I recently started drinking hibiscus tea with honey and am completely loving it. 🙂

    I’m so glad things worked for her! I honestly took two years off to work between undergrad and grad school, just so I could make sure grad school was what I really wanted. I wish I had the same clarity going into undergrad as I did in grad school, but oh well, I’m here all the same.

    Like

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