In Replacement Of Twitter

I don’t have any friends where I currently live. Don’t tilt your head sideways and say “awww..” for me. I’ve spent most of my life being friendless. This may confuse you, (or me when I decide to read this 30 years after. What do you mean friendless?!) I mean sure I have friends. Even best friends. I’ve talked about Leslie, and that kind of painted a picture of me being a caring friend and being reciprocated with the same amount of love. Immense philia so to speak. But I’m sure I’ve always been alone (let’s reserve this sad mopey forgettable story for later). It’s fine. 

I’m pretty sure everyone else feels the same way too. Alone. Not physically alone. I’m talking about you being in a crowded area, probably waiting in line for a popcorn at a screening of a Marvel movie and you don’t know any of them. Is that just me? Am I the only one who can brave the movie theater alone? I’m sure everyone wants to watch a movie alone but feels obligated to bring a girlfriend or a friend just so that they can have someone to talk to before and after the movie. Me? I ride the entire experience out Lone Ranger style. What was the point of this post again?!

As much as I like to be alone, I like to talk about things I like with people. See, I’m not a total psycho. Sometimes when you’re alone with your own thoughts you start to think of obscure stuff. The type of things you usually say to fill some silence. Sometimes, or in my case, something you say to yourself, while you light another cigarette. 

What do you think happens to you when you die?

If 100 men get stuck in an air tight room, and they all fart at the same time. Would one of them die or faint at least?

Would thinking of sexy thoughts with a woman counts as being a lesbian?

The guy who invented Twitter must have felt this way too many times that he can bear. I can imagine him getting a Bavarian Filled doughnut, wondering how they cram that cream in there. Only he says this out loud, gets a judging look from a guy who is eating two donuts at the same time. What an irony! Twitter guy has had enough! He goes home, wipes the excess sugar off his lips and invents Twitter.

Twitter is tailor made for brain farts. Think about it. A place where you can just shit 140 characters. Now you don’t have to be that crazy girl that talks to herself anymore! Now you have Twitter! The validation of your thoughts is just a sick bonus. 

Now, I have about a dozen thoughts in a day. So I made a Twitter account. A day later, I stare at my Twitter feed, wondering how I’d cram my thoughts in 140 characters. It’s so much work and not work at the same time. And not that I think sunshine comes out of my ass, but I hate mincing down words. Spelling ‘thanks’ to ‘tnx’ just so that I can Tweet a quote from a bad movie?! So no, Twitter would never work for me. Not unless I’m promoting something. That is what Twitter is really good for. A good signal boost.

Again, sunshine not coming out of my ass, but I like to ramble seemingly intelligent stuff all the time. Like how I opened my WordPress just so that I can take a break from reading Gone Girl – which is blowing my mind right now in all the best possible ways!! I want someone to know how it’s currently blowing my mind. Granted, that I can fit on Twitter, but look at this! I typed a lengthy blog post just to say “Gone Girl is blowing my mind!” (more about how Gone Girl is blowing my mind later).

So in replacement Twitter, I have WordPress.  


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